I Don't Know

I Don't know what to think and I Don't know what to say.
I Don't want to offend but I have to get it all out. I
went to a Catholic Church on Easter Saturday.

Apparently this is a very important day in the Catholic calendar. I went because two of my nieces were baptized into the Catholic Church. They are not infants but because they were not christened as babies they have to be baptized now. The reason for baptisms as I understand it is to rid them of original sin so that if they die they will not have to spend so much time in purgatory. That in itself was difficult for me to handle. The very idea that the God who made the world...The universe would need a child to be touched with water to be rid of original sin. As if what Christ did on Easter Friday was not quite enough. It makes my heart ache. During the Mass the congregation also prayed that all the saints and the apostles would intervene for them in Heaven. That they would put in a good word for them. At the end of the Mass was Communion. Which I and my children, who are seen as infidels, were not allowed to partake. It made my heart sick. There was no beauty in the service. There could have been but it all seemed like a performance. I Don't really know who the whole thing was for. Surely not God. I felt like it was all for the people. The woman behind me knew every response and on the realization that I and my children did not, seemed to say everything all the louder.

But in my arrogance I began to think about how I 'do' church. Do I make people feel unwelcome? Do I think if I know all the words to the songs I have achieved something? Is it all just a performance for me? If I see someone who does not know the words do I judge them? When a person who has been raised in the Catholic tradition comes into my worship service do they feel like an infidel. I hope not. I want to do all I can to help them feel God's Grace. To see His Love. To touch Him and be touched by Him. Like I said I Don't know what to say and I am so full of this feeling. I have to work it out a bit more I guess. Maybe you can help me with that?