Jubilee

So Jubilee turns 13 on the 19th of April.
13 years and 9.5 months ago I began a journey I had no idea about.
April 19th 1995 my life as an adult began.
every moment since then and even before that time when she was growing within me has been a miracle. The day she moved within me for the first time.
The day God told Stephan and I about her and her name.
The day i saw her for the first time.
All the Love all the Love all the LOVE.
The day we fought over the potty.
The day she became the best big sister in history.
Now the day she moves from being a little girl to being a little woman.
The awesome wonder of being the mother of a wonderful human....the friend of Jubilee....the sister in Jesus. I never thought I would be this blessed or this important. To be given the gift of knowing her.
I wish everyone could know her because I truely believe your life would be so much better if you did.

APRIL 14 2008

Almost one year from the last blog,
oh well
Jubilee turns 13 on the 19th
i am gonna write about it this week cause i am over whelmed

I know I Know IKNOW!!!!
I have disappeared.
Well I am trying to come back now.
Although the move has been good in many ways....we have seen so many wonderful things. The museum of Civilization. The Harness races. The ice and snow sculptures. Build-a-Bear. And on and on.
I have been slowly running out of emotional energy and have fallen into sadness.
I miss my life and I don't really know how to get into the new one yet.
Until now all my energy has been going into making the house feel like a home and keeping the kids happy. I think I just got tired and I feel like all the juice has been squeezed out of me.
I know from experience that it takes time to build a social structure and we have made a good start.
I know all the truths about what God will do for us and I truely do trust Him to do it.
I know it has gone well but I miss the life I had.
I think I have to just mourn it.
Maybe it will be easier if I do.
I miss all the people that know me for good or for bad.
I miss the comfortable feeling of knowing I am accepted and useful at some level.
And I miss having people to laugh alot with.
I have been suprised and dissapointed by my reaction to this transition. I guess I thought I would just be able to sail past the sad part of the move and run right into the happy new life that is waiting.
Anyways.....
I just thought I should post something so that people know that I am still alive and I am sorry that I have disappeared. I tend to want to fix all my problems alone and then resurface when everything is great again.
But it might take me too long.
So maybe I will be able to work through the process faster if I share it abit.

ICE SCULPTURES

Snow sculptures

This one is for my sister Kellie. All made of snow. It was amazing.

THE ANGELS SANG!!!!

I know it is just a dishwasher, but I have waited so long for one. I can not believe what a difference it makes. Even though I sometimes feel guilty using it. But only for a moment, then I sing.

Last Night as I was Sleeping

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt
- marvellous error! -
that a spring was breakingout in my heart
I said: Along which secret aqueduct
Oh water, are you coming to me,water of a new life
that I have never drunk?
Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt
- marvellous error! -
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures.
Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt
- marvellous error! -
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because
I felt,warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.
Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt
- marvellous error! -
That it was God I had
here inside my heart.

Antonio Machado
translated by
Robert Bly

The Canal

Hello! We went skating on the Rideau Canal on the first weekend of Winterlude. We skated and ate Beaver Tails. We plan to go back this week.

MOVING

I AM LIVING MY PERSONAL HELL!! If hell is individually decided then this is mine. Always moving. We had the help of a wonderful friend yesterday who happens to have the use of a large truck. He helped Stephan load all the big stuff last night. Fridge, stove, etc. Last night we slept at the new place and this morning we were able to rent a truck to move the rest. The Budget rental guy totally went above and beyond for us. So now we are loading up the truck with the rest of our 'junk'....I could think of other words to call all this stuff we drag around with us but I am trying hard to keep my mind from going there. Even though I am hating it all I can see how God is helping us through it.
I NEVER WANT TO MOVE AGAIN!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! UPDATE

It is a long and sorted tale but I will condense it.
We move to Gatineau, Stephan got a job in Ottawa.
We are living in a third floor apartment and the people who live below us hate us.
They have complained and we have apologized and then I finally said that we have children and dogs and none of it was a surprise to them. We can not be silent. That was about three weeks ago and today it all hit the fan.
The man that lives down there banged on the door at 8am when Stephan got home from work and lost it. He yelled at Stephan for about 10 minutes and in the process told Stephan that he had been in jail 5 times already and was not afraid of going back. That he was going to 'snap'.
Stephan remained calm.
When he came back home we immediately found a place to rent far from here, called them and went to see it. We hope to be able to move in tomorrow! It is in Barrhaven, a suburb of Ottawa. The rent is more and we had to scrape the money together but it looks good.
So we are on the move again.
I'll let you know when we are back online.